It’s not yours, so give it up. Part 2

This is part 2 of this email and I will share what I learned about giving up what’s not
mine to have, how to know and the price for ignoring it.
I am diving right in. If you haven’t read part 1, go here.
When I first felt my wings they were tightly bound. Restricted.
I didn’t know they were wings but I knew I felt trapped.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have gone through a process of elimination,
but I didn’t know it then so I up and left the life I was creating. All of it.
Fiance, houses cars, dogs, business, life plans.
I kept going back and forth to him and that life, for next 7 years.
Until he got pregnant and decided to marry the soon to be mother of his child.
I was relieved, I no longer had to keep choosing and questioning.
He made the choice for me, I was free to move on.
And, it came with a price I have been paying since.
I stayed in jobs too long. Kept friends too long.
Went on 3rd, 4th, 5th date, months into dating realizing that I knew on the 2nd date,
it was not the right person for me.
The price I have been paying – time, self respect, self doubt, breaking trust in my intuition.
It took me a while to decipher the feelings I had after decisions were made for me,
after I neglected to act on what I knew was right.
I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I felt resigned, another wrong decision.
I felt like something was taken away from me too soon. I had no choice in the matter.
I felt powerless. I even told stories of my victimhood and injustice. I justified my
not taking action sooner. I needed the money (projects). Another month so I can save
a little more (jobs). He is trying and I am being so harsh (boyfriends).
It is so tough to make good friends, we grow through forgiveness and 2nd chances (friendships).
Then I sat my sorry ass down and dug deep.
What I dug up was stinky and dark.
My wings stayed in bondage for as long as I kept clinging to what no longer worked for me.
True freedom comes when we can finally trust ourselves.
You will hear me say “nothing is a mistake, it is all a lesson”. Yes, true.
Ask me on my dead bed how many lessons I wish I learned the first time
around.
Feeling of betray was me betraying myself, my inner knowing.
Something was taken away too soon, I had no choice in the matter, was really me not doing it when I knew it was time.
My choice to end it was taken away, by me, by delaying.
Victimhood, was me giving away the power to end what I knew has expired.
Here is what I know right now and what I vowed to trust myself with:
1. Trust myself when I feel that something is not right for me.
It may take time for me to acknowledge it fully and know what I need to do and that’s ok.
2. If I push it away and it keeps coming back to me, it is mine to experience.
    If I push it away and it leaves, I let it go.
3. If I have to make a list of pros and cons, I probably already know the answer, but
    need “reasonable” reasons. This is in case people ask me if I really thought about it.
4. If I wait for somebody else to make the decision for me (like my ex-fiance), I will
    pay the price. Part of me will feel betrayed. Part of me will feel like a victim. Both will eat away at my confidence. Not fun.
5. If I leave when I know I need to go (no matter how hard), I will question it. Especially
    if things don’t start working out for me immediately. It’s ok, make a list of pros.
6. Everything is energy. The longer I hold onto the form that no longer serves me,
    the longer I block what will serve me, from coming in. I trust that something is always waiting to come in, it just needs space.
7. I know best what is best for me. Always. It’s ok to ask people I trust so I can get
    perspectives I may not have considered. And, I know best what is best for me.
8. I TRUST ME. no matter what. even when it hurts my heart.
9. I toss a coin. This test beats all above. Seriously, try it. I toss the coin!
Heads = stay/keep, Tails = leave/let go. I toss.
    How do I feel about the result?
10. Make a list of all the things you will be free to do and experience when it is out of your life.

      See how you feel.

I know by now you know that thing you have been holding onto for too long. I know you know.

Got that? I know you know. It can be a thing, a person, a project, situation.

Ready to let go?

I am here to support you. I mean it. Click reply and share. Don’t go it alone.

To Your Freedom (of choice),

Anna
2 replies
  1. Jodi Jones
    Jodi Jones says:

    Boy! Your words really hit home for me today. The Universe’s way of reminding me to keep going and don’t look back…don’t take my eye off the goal, don’t let others stall or convince me otherwise. Thank you Anna for your openness and vulnerability. I love you!

    Reply

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